Saturday, May 30, 2009

On Engagement

No, not me! Heaven forbid for I am just 21- Way too young to be sacrificed.. I speak of my cousin sister, Navya Prabhu, who got engaged this wednesday (27-05-2009) at the age of 23 and I was in apprehension the entire week knowing that my generation was growing up. I always knew it was gonna happen eventually but who-really-gives-a-sh*t-till-you-see-it-happen-before-your-own-eyes?? Sorry for the emphasis but I cant express it any less. Then I think of Rice U and a content smile comes- I got atleast 6-7 more years of single life..

Back to the topic, if you are a typical Hindu then you would have been to one of these events. For those who came in late, a simple procedure involved:-

1) Get bored of single life/Be really content but your parents get in the mood to be..well.. parent-y
2) Parents inform 90% human population (No, we still dislike George W. Bush and the terrorists) about a prospective match-up
3) Jobless people (Nearly always home-makers, female) get together to do the primary screening of candidates- Note here that a 6 figure, NRI holds more weightage than whether or not he is gay, a transvestite or simply has a criminal record
4) Once a primary screening is done, the Priest is beckoned. This person has the power to decide whether or not two people are compatible, to heck with what those two think: I swear, sometimes I think the Nazi's are still around!
5) If the horoscopes (Old Jerry Seinfeld's comedy routine material) match, photos galore are sent to both sides. Poor parents are still unaware of photoshop at this point!
6) The "Girl seeing" ceremony, typical tradition that has continued from the Jurassic period and is highly male dominated (Why is there no "Man seeing" ceremony then?)
7) If approved, the get to know each other part: Oh this part is enjoyed most by Phone operators who see a surge in calls/sms. The only modern touch to this neanderthal procedure sees less eye-to-eye and more phone screen-to-phone screen.
8) Engagement time and invitations printed and given in person (Notice the irony with the last point) to most, if not all, people.
9) The actual ceremony itself which is a huge pain to all senses, except if the food is of a good standard. But given that most such ceremonies simply HAVE to be in a temple hall, keep hoping!

All in all, its a custom which seems to get more exuberant with time but never fades away. I sometimes wonder what all the fuss about engagement is: Everywhere else, all I see is a guy (and in rare occasion, the gal) propose to the partner with a simple "Will you marry me?" the answer to which usually depends on the size of the ring these days, and thats it! I sometimes think this whole drama is for nothing, except for keeping in touch with your Indian roots..

Random thoughts..

Enough of the copy-paste already! I have been wanting to write for such a long time here but somehow find no time to do so- You see I am not the type of person who writes a blog post in a word file and then uses it to do another copy-paste here; rather I write here itself from scratch. That poses a problem when it comes to posting regularly...

Quite a lot has happened since I last wrote here, the biggest of course being the re-election of the United Progressive Alliance (UPA) to the helm of the Indian Govt. This election was special for me in the sense that I wont have the chance to vote again for another 5-6 years atleast while I spend my time in Houston, Texas. Also for the very first time I voted against what everyone in my family does and actually went against the entire lot this time. Maybe it was the various anti-non hindu incidents here or the extreme hindu following which had a van load of local guys, people I knew from childhood, come to every household demanding they put up a Hindu flag and vote for the BJP. Maybe it was just years of seeing communalism spread all over this beautiful place I call home but I voted for the Congress this time around and I am proud that I did so even if the candidate lost: I made my choice and voted for it. 

I was thinking of utilising section 49-0 but I was pretty sure the election committee were blissfully ignorant of it and this would just have kept up proceedings for a long, long time. But I urge every reader here to know that they have the right to appear for voting, take the voting ink on their index finger and then inform the committee that you feel no candidate is worthy of your vote. More info in a simple blog here.

Oh and the IPL just concluded its second season and I just cant keep away from mentioning cricket these days, can I? Well I had been a loyal Royal Challengers, Bangalore supporter from the beginning and all I can say is "Wait for the Champions League, DC fans!" Cricket is grabbing my attention a lot now that its less than 80 days that I go to Baseball/Basketball/Rugby nation.

Speaking of going to the US of A, things are getting heated as I got a lot of things to do: Pay more fees in USD, schedule a Visa interview and hope to clear it, book airline tickets Mangalore-Mumbai and Mumbai-Houston, get all things needed for a 5 year stay, and hope not to have to cook! I hate cooking, surprising given that I actually am a pretty good novice at it but I despise it... The only good thing I can see sportwise is that I will be watching WWE live there :D

Oh I know what you are thinking, and just to make your point clearer I present 7 minutes of the most insane moments in wrestling (Watch in high quality and I dare you not to cringe!):-

Friday, May 29, 2009

I do declare!

Courtesy of Cricinfo, one of the best articles I read:-


I do declare

Few incidents have been as cynical as Somerset's declaration after one over of their Benson & Hedges Cup one-dayer against Worcestershire


Martin Williamson

May 23, 2009

Brian Rose batting for Somerset
Brian Rose: at the eye of a storm © Getty Images

As the 1970s gave way to the 80s, cricket's laws began to be challenged as never before. Whereas previously captains and players had abided by the rules and regulations, they now started to look with increasing cynicism to exploit loopholes the lawmakers had never envisaged. One-day cricket, a relatively new phenomenon, was not as wrapped in tradition and so was seen as fairer game.

In November 1979, Mike Brearley caused outrage when, with West Indies needing three to win off the last ball of a one-day international in Sydney, he put all his England fielders - including David Bairstow, the wicketkeeper - on the boundary. The crowd booed, Brearley was vilified by an Australian press that already regarded him with a dislike only rivalled at the time by Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini, but the result stood.

A little over 14 months later, with New Zealand needing seven to beat Australia in an ODI in Melbourne , Trevor Chappell bowled the last ball underarm - under orders from his brother, Greg - so depriving Brian McKechnie of the chance of tying the game with a six. Greg Chappell was roundly and vehemently condemned, but again his action was within the laws as they stood. In both instances, adjustments were quickly made to ensure there was no repetition.

But perhaps the most cynical stretching of the laws took place in the much quieter surroundings of Worcester, whenBrian Rose, captaining Somerset, declared after one over of a Benson & Hedges Cup zonal match. At least in the first two instances the crowd had had a full day's entertainment, and only the denouement was unsatisfactory. At New Road in May 1979, most spectators hadn't even taken their seats by the time the game was over.

Somerset travelled to Worcester knowing that under the rules of the competition they would qualify for the quarter-finals as long as they did not lose by a heavy margin. Even if they won, Worcester (and Glamorgan, who were seemingly assured of an easy win over Minor Counties South) could only finish on the same number of points as Somerset; they needed a conclusive victory to overtake Somerset by virtue of a superior strike-rate, which was used to separate teams on level points. By declaring their innings after one over, Somerset would lose to Worcester - but that didn't matter as it would mean that they could not be overtaken on strike-rate.

Rose realised that what he was planning was likely to cause an outcry, and checked with Donald Carr, the secretary of the Test & County Cricket Board (the forerunner of the England & Wales Cricket Board), whether it was legal. The reply came that while it was within the laws as they stood, it was certainly against their spirit and that there would be "repercussions".

On May 23, the day originally scheduled for the game, there was no play possible, and so the teams reassembled the following morning when, although it was grey and damp, the match started on time.

Rose won the toss, batted, and after one over - a maiden bowled to him by Vanburn Holder, which included a no-ball - he declared at 1 for 0. Worcestershire took 10 balls - with Glenn Turner scoring two singles - to win a game that lasted 18 minutes, including the statutory 10-minute break between innings.

The hundred or so spectators inside New Road were incensed, while those still arriving were understandably bemused when told the game was over. Mike Vockins, Worcestershire's secretary, refunded all the gate money and slammed Rose's actions as "an absolute disgrace". Somerset packed their kit, and within 15 minutes of leaving the field were heading home, although Rose had to endure heckling as he left the car park.

One man who had driven 150 miles to watch the game angrily told reporters he had decided not to become a Somerset member. Another, a schoolteacher, explained he had brought a coachload of children to see the match. "The kind of lesson we have seen today is one no boy ought to be taught," he said.

Alan Gibson, whose reports in the Times often included long descriptions of train journeys to and from games, arrived at Worcester station only to be told "by a kind porter who knew what I had come for" that he best jump on a train back to Bristol. "He had heard the news from the ground and was angry."

One of the most bemused onlookers was Charles Burnett, who was the Man-of-the-Match adjudicator. After some deliberation he wisely decided that nobody was deserving of the award, explaining it would be "improper".

Rose was unrepentant. "I had no alternative," he said. "The rules are laid down in black and white. If anybody wishes to complain, they should do it to the people who make them."

Brian Rose ribbed by spectators following his controversial declaration, May 1979
Spectators at Somerset's game following the declaration have a dig at Rose © The Cricketer International

That rather simplistic disregard for the paying public cut no ice, and the outcry was almost universally damning. Few disputed that Rose had acted within the letter of the laws even if he had run a knife through its spirit. "He did not infringe them," John Arlott noted in the Guardian, "he exploited them." In a lead editorial two days later in the same paper, the TCCB was blamed. "If… a day's play consists of one extra and two runs then the fault lies not with the Somerset captain but with the legislators who provided for such an eventuality." There were exceptions - the Daily Telegraph spluttered about "cynical tactics" and accused Rose of "plumbing the depths".

Rose was the scapegoat, even though it was widely acknowledged that he had flagged his intentions with a number of people within the club and discussed the idea with his team, who had agreed. Somerset's own committee immediately backed him, although making clear their displeasure at his actions. They also offered to replay the match, but the crowded schedule made that impractical.

The TCCB responded by calling an emergency meeting of its disciplinary committee. Eight days after the match, that committee voted to expel Somerset from the competition by 17 votes to one. Even Somerset supported the motion, with Derbyshire, for reasons known only to themselves, the sole opposition to it.

The TCCB slammed Rose's action as being "against the spirit of the game" and said that it had "brought the game into disrepute". Colin Atkinson, Somerset's chairman, apologised for the incident, which he described as "wholly indefensible".

Even so, the outcome might have been right, but the way it was reached did not go down well, with many observers accusing the TCCB of punishing a side for a breach of rules that did not exist.

The real irony was that Somerset would have qualified for the quarter-finals even if they had lost; Glamorgan's game against Minor Counties was washed out and so they were denied the win they needed to finish on level points.

In the following month's Wisden Cricket Monthly, the editor, David Frith, wrote that he hoped the events at New Road had restored some sanity to the game. "I have been waiting, with some trepidation, with six runs needed off the final ball and a lot of money at stake, the bowler informs the umpire of a change of action and rolls the ball along the ground. Maybe this dreadful vision will now vanish."

Sadly for Frith and the world of cricket, 20 months later Chappell did just that at Melbourne.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

On White, Bald Men and Flippin' Da Bird!

The following article is by Tishani Doshi (courtesy Cricinfo) and is very relevant to my comments below it:-

Racket sport

Why the IPL is noise pollution by another name

Suresh Raina square cuts, Chennai Super Kings v Rajasthan Royals, IPL, 22nd match, Centurion, April 30, 2009
So what did he say when he learned he hadn't made a hundred after all? © AFP

Last night I dreamed I was watching a movie in a theatre with those weird, bald people from the Vodafone commercials. They were sitting in the row behind me, and then one of them started shrieking into his cellphone in that high-pitched Tamil-Japanese nonsense language of his people, and I turned around and beat him over the head. Okay, I'm lying. I didn't really dream about those people, but I did go to a movie theatre, and a guy did start talking into his phone, in Tamil, and I did hit him on the arm and warn him if he didn't *£#^ing switch his phone off, I would do it for him.

What can I say? I have a low threshold for noise. And upping my daily quota of cricket hasn't made things better. First of all, I no longer have any idea about what's going on in the world, other than a very peripheral knowledge of the swine-flu pandemic, madness in Sri Lanka, and courtesy this morning's Hindu, a delightful picture of the entire Bachchan family with their middle fingers up in the air (to show they've voted, but still very funny). Secondly, the Extraaa Innings theme music hasn't helped my phonophobia any. Can someone please explain to me why commercials have to be so much louder than the actual television programmes? Do we really need to be hectored authoritatively, without any trace of nuance or humour, over and over again?

At this point in my rant, I think I had better differentiate between sound and noise. Sound is what we hear, noise is unwanted sound. So the difference between sound and noise depends very much upon the listener and the circumstances. It's like those HSBC commercials with the picture of the sitar player: one sign says "pleasure", the other "torture". It's all about perspective. But surely there are some absolutes? There have to be. Those cars reversing to the national anthem? Sivamani and his bleeding drums? Surely no one can find that pleasing?

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just extraaa-sensitive. But what's really frustrating is that the things I'd like to hear are muted, and the other things are blasted. Who wants to hear Raveena Tandon going on about her husband (who looks like Daniel Vettori, according to her)? I'd much rather know what they're talking about in the dugout, or what the wicketkeeper is saying to the batter at the crease. What was Adam Gilchrist saying to the umpire after the Deccan Chargers lost to the Delhi Daredevils yesterday? What did Suresh Raina say when he got back to the bench and found out he'd actually only made 98?

And then there's beauty in wordlessness. The actions that require no subtitles or voiceovers. Robert Quiney giving Swapnil Asnodkar a tender knock on the helmet after the latter hit Albie Morkel for a six. And then, the very next ball, Asnodkar going for a double out: hitting his own stumps and being caught by Badrinath. What do you possibly say about that?

I'll leave you to chew on that for a moment, while I excuse myself. Because you see, my team kicked ass yesterday. I'm off to go shout it out from the rooftops!

Tishani Doshi is a writer and dancer based in Chennai


Read it?? That by the way is just part of the many humourous articles on IPL page 2 on Cricinfo including the various Rules from Hell which my gtalk id boasts of as status messages. Ok enough advertising! The reason I did a ctrl+C, ctrl+V on that post is because he speaks on 2 topics which have caught mine, and surely many others', attention in the last week- namely the Vodafone series of ad's and the...well... this:- 


 






In fact an article has been written just on this in the Times of India blog (Surprise, surprise!) which is seriously worth reading here. I saw a similar version of the pretty Bachchan family (They got spies everywhere! EVERYWHERE!!) showing the entire nation that they have voted in grand style. If only Mrs Jaya Bachchan had complied, that would have been a proper fcuked-up picture  in more ways than one! Whats with the middle finger getting the voter ink anyway? The common man gets it on his right index finger and even though he/she knows its indelible, tries to wipe it after voting. But when realised that its gonna stick with you: Viola, it becomes a thing to flaunt (I've voted, Have you? *smug look*). At times where the bollywood stars are no longer big for reverence, such images serve to lighten the election mood. Oh did I mention India is having its Lok Sabha elections? Dakshina Kannada recorded a record (WTF??) 74.2% voter turn-out and I suppose a lot of hype generated with the Mangalore Pub incident did help there.

But wait: I see a few bald men. They are white. They speak tamil/japanese/djiboutian all together. They are coming towards me. And suddenly.....
















I dare you to say you haven't seen any of these ad's if you are in India! They are everywhere: TV, Radio, Bill boardings, Traffic Signals.. Vodafone has something huge on its hands here and the best part for them is that they keep adding new versions for their various services. I would much rather see this on tv once rather than get the same irritating messages on my IDEA phone (What an Idea, Sir-ji) but the grapes are very sour on this line (Pun intended, hope you got it).. In fact, to tell you how big this is The Hindu has had an article on this here which says those little white people are indeed Men called "ZooZoos" and that Facebook has a fan club for them with more than 30,000 fans already! Who am I to argue with them? And hey if you are so big a fan of these ads then you are free to download them at this link, courtesy Vodafone of course. Or you can wait a while for the Official ZooZoo merchandise to come out (Not a joke, they are making it as we speak!). So while you peeps take a look at those links (I swear they are ALL worth reading), I am gonna go download TV series' episodes.. Farewell DC++, we shall miss you greatly! Sob sob..

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